Happy pride month, everyone!
This one is extra special for me because it's the first since I've -drumroll please- officially started identifying as non-heterosexual. Straight up, not straight. Fluid af. Floating all over that spectrum. Actually, I've been telling people that I'm bisexual, but the label is really only a tool of convenience. I'm into who I'm into and I don't think the label matters very much.
But wait, wasn't I telling y'all for a really long time that I was "really straight"? Yep. Thought I was. The funny thing is, I think I was just letting everyone dictate my sexuality for me. Friends, family, society... Everyone told me I was "really straight" whether it was directly or indirectly. (Yes, some people literally told me how "straight" I was.) I dated a long string of boys and men for basically all of my dating life so I can see why this seemingly sudden shift might be confusing to some. I've always been the type to need to try something to know what I'm into. Turns out, I'm into women!
I've always been attracted to strong women. I mean, my favourite movies were and still are Mulan and A League Of Their Own. I've been all about the girl power for as long as I can remember. I truly admire women who live their lives in their own empowering way despite the ridiculous misogyny still so prevalent in our daily lives. My relationships with the amazing women in my life feel truly equal in addition to being incredibly supportive. With that in mind, it's not much of a stretch to think that I might want to seek the same qualities in a romantic relationship where I feel I'm more likely to find them.
However, I've spent a lot of time worrying that people would not believe me when I came out to them. I was worried some people would see it as a phase or just the next step in my "overly dramatic" feminist journey. But it isn't a phase, it isn't a result of my failed relationships with men, and it isn't something I just randomly decided to try out. True, I am thoroughly exhausted from dealing with the toxic masculinity spewing all over our society. And yeah, it did take some thought to get to where I am now. I had to release the inhibitions keeping me from exploring the full extent of my sexuality. Breaking out of the societal pressures that just make it easier to be straight was difficult. Even I had trouble at first believing that I could be anything other than heterosexual. I had spent most of my life comparing myself to other women which just made it simpler to be with men who didn't evoke feelings of envy related to body image. Nobody would stare at me if I was holding hands with my partner in public. I didn't have to constantly restate my sexual orientation because people just assumed I was straight. Coming to the realization that these things were limiting me felt like finally releasing a part of myself I had been inhibiting my entire life. I now feel free to love who I want without being ashamed of their gender. After all, does it make sense to limit yourself to one favourite colour when you can love the entire rainbow?
I'm so lucky to have so many kickass people in my life that have hardly blinked an eye at my transition from heterosexuality to my now label-less self. Some expected it or saw it coming. ("Well, you stopped shaving your legs and wearing bras...It wasn't exactly a surprise." -- Thanks Kirsten). Like I said, it seemed like an obvious next step in my feminist journey, a journey that I know not all have taken very seriously up to this point. However, I'm very grateful to have so many awesome people in my life that have taken me seriously and were nothing less than stoked to meet my new girlfriend. It was a relief how easy it was to say to these people, "hey, this is who I'm dating now", and for them to accept it without skipping a beat. (Get it? Because most of them are dancers! HAHAHAHAHAHA!). But seriously, it gives me hope that people eventually won't have to "come out" anymore as we work toward accepting something other than heterosexuality as our norm.
To you people actually reading this, you are the people who really matter. Sharing my story through writing seemed like the most fitting way for me to get it out there while avoiding multiple awkward interactions where I say things that don't make any sense. So, thanks for sticking around! Please, feel free to talk to me about any of this and I'll do my best not to make it awkward!
Happy pride month, everyone! Love overcomes all!
