For the handful of you reading these pointless blog posts, today was my last official day hanging out with the fuzzies. Seems fitting that I would be attempting to write this final post while the cat is doing her very best to make it difficult for me by sitting on my laptop. To be honest, we're cuddling because the cats were being assholes by way of taking turns sleeping on Georgie's dog bed. After a long hard day of playing at doggy daycare, poor George just wants to sleep. She's been following me around with sad eyes until I finally gave in, picked Minnie up off of the dog bed, and made her cuddle me instead, leaving Georgie free to hit the hay. Le doggo is now soundly snoring away, which means I can treat myself to an end-of-week glass of wine without worrying about having to google search "how to get red wine out of hardwood floor due to an unfortunate tail wagging incident".
I'm going to miss these furry dorks, but I am definitely looking forward to sleeping past 6 am again. First wake up call happened at 3:40 am this morning. No, thank you. Nuh uh. Unacceptable. Georgie thought she could make up for the rude awakening by bringing me a dryer ball. She was mistaken. Don't get me wrong, it was definitely a cute gesture, but cute gestures will never make up for my lost REM cycles.
I wish I had some profound lessons learned from this week that I could share with you all. Instead, I've managed to put together the following list:
1) Make sure your socks don't have holes in them, or at least make sure they are already blood-coloured if you are breaking in a new pair of boots.
2) Always carry dog treats in your pocket.
3) Take said dog treats out of your pocket before you do laundry.
4) If you lose a laundry ball, it's probably because Georgie ate it.
5) It's futile trying to keep Georgie from eating inedible things, but you should still give it your best shot.
6) Cats are assholes.
7) Cats don't like being called assholes.
8) Cats hold grudges for a really long time...
9) If you like sleeping in, be nice to your cats.
10) The easiest way to boost your number of instagram "likes" is by taking many photos of adorable animals. Everyone loves adorable animals.
11) Blogging about cute animals is less exciting, but works pretty well as a good time killer.
12) Nobody reads anymore.
13) I should investigate possible new hobbies.
14) Wine.
Alright, peeps. The wine is fo shiz kicking in and I have laundry to finish before I pull a Georgie and head off to snore town. Goodbye for now, and remember, pets are cuter than babies but they will let you sleep about the same amount (i.e., not at all).
BYEEEEEEEEEE.
Monday 5 February 2018
Adventures In Dog Sitting - Day 7
Well, we're at the one week checkpoint. Only one more night with the furry goobers until I'm back to my regularly scheduled programming.
To celebrate, I figured we could play my mother's favourite Georgie game called, "What DIDN'T Georgie Eat?".
Your options are:
a) dirty tissue
b) dryer ball
c) yogurt container
d) her leash
Choose wisely. She only didn't try to eat one of those things. I'll reveal the answer at the end of this post!
Georgie and I went for a walk today since she doesn't get to go back to doggy daycare until tomorrow. On our route, we met another pupper who Georgie insisted on excitedly greeting by jumping all over her. The owner of the other dog asked me if Georgie was a "he or she", just as the two doggos started to brawl. Then he told me, "Yeah, she's not so good with 'shes'. Don't know why." No shit. Normally, I would have been able to yank my excited canine friend away with more ease. However, yesterday's shoveling extravaganza really did a number on my muscles. I looked like a very frantic person with a Tasmanian devil on the other end of the leash.
Since I spent most of today teaching dance, I'll end the post here with the answer to the question I posed earlier. If you chose option a) for "What DIDN'T Georgie Eat?", then you are correct! If you chose any of the other options, you can go ahead and hang your head in shame. How dare you not know her well enough by now that you couldn't correctly answer that question??
(Kidding. She totally eats dirty tissues all the time. Today was definitely an anomaly).
Alright, signing off! As always, only eat edible objects.
To celebrate, I figured we could play my mother's favourite Georgie game called, "What DIDN'T Georgie Eat?".
Your options are:
a) dirty tissue
b) dryer ball
c) yogurt container
d) her leash
Choose wisely. She only didn't try to eat one of those things. I'll reveal the answer at the end of this post!
Georgie and I went for a walk today since she doesn't get to go back to doggy daycare until tomorrow. On our route, we met another pupper who Georgie insisted on excitedly greeting by jumping all over her. The owner of the other dog asked me if Georgie was a "he or she", just as the two doggos started to brawl. Then he told me, "Yeah, she's not so good with 'shes'. Don't know why." No shit. Normally, I would have been able to yank my excited canine friend away with more ease. However, yesterday's shoveling extravaganza really did a number on my muscles. I looked like a very frantic person with a Tasmanian devil on the other end of the leash.
Since I spent most of today teaching dance, I'll end the post here with the answer to the question I posed earlier. If you chose option a) for "What DIDN'T Georgie Eat?", then you are correct! If you chose any of the other options, you can go ahead and hang your head in shame. How dare you not know her well enough by now that you couldn't correctly answer that question??
(Kidding. She totally eats dirty tissues all the time. Today was definitely an anomaly).
Alright, signing off! As always, only eat edible objects.
Sunday 4 February 2018
Adventure In Dog Sitting - Day 6
I spend most of the day shoveling. I'm over it. Done. Get me out of here. Snowmageddon carry me home. Never again. UGH.
I was told that I wouldn't need to know how to use the snowblower this week. Fortunately, I knew enough to ask to be shown how it works just in case. Unfortunately, I was incapable of getting it started when I needed to actually use it. #fail
Bright side, I don't need to do an arm workout this week...or ever again.
The pets are starting to miss having their usual people around. I woke up cuddling a Teddy. Minus the cat food breath and the snoring, it was a pretty adorable situation. My selfie game was on point too, as you can see here.
The next adorable photo op occurred as a result of me attempting to eat lunch. These fur mammals just can't seem to control themselves around chicken and avocado sandwiches. I can't blame them; it was delicious. I am a sandwich "artiste".
The rest of the day was spent cuddling and recovering from all of the hard manual labour I did earlier in the afternoon. I found myself at the bottom of a dog (and cat) pile while I was attempting to stretch my legs out. Minnie sat on my chest to ensure I couldn't run away while Georgie stood on my hair and licked my face. There's a 76% chance they planned this...
When I tried to get up, the dog took that chance to sit on my lap like she was telling me what she wanted for Christmas. However, I felt more like Michael Scott as Santa that time that Kevin took his sweet time trying to figure out what he should ask for. 85 pounds of bony dog butt plopped down onto one of my legs was adorable for about 10 seconds before I started to lose feeling in my limb. She's built like a horse, but she desperately wants to be a lapdog. Who am I to deny her that dream?
Eventually, day turned into night, which I know because I watched the entire process from the couch. I was stuck chilling in a progressively darker room because the cat was sitting on me and I couldn't get up to turn on a light. #catownerprobs
I know you've all been there.
Alas, I've been released from the confines of my voluntary cat cuddle prison. I must complete some adult tasks now that I have been freed!
Until next time, never make a sandwich you're not willing to fight for.
I was told that I wouldn't need to know how to use the snowblower this week. Fortunately, I knew enough to ask to be shown how it works just in case. Unfortunately, I was incapable of getting it started when I needed to actually use it. #fail
Bright side, I don't need to do an arm workout this week...or ever again.
The pets are starting to miss having their usual people around. I woke up cuddling a Teddy. Minus the cat food breath and the snoring, it was a pretty adorable situation. My selfie game was on point too, as you can see here.
The next adorable photo op occurred as a result of me attempting to eat lunch. These fur mammals just can't seem to control themselves around chicken and avocado sandwiches. I can't blame them; it was delicious. I am a sandwich "artiste".
The rest of the day was spent cuddling and recovering from all of the hard manual labour I did earlier in the afternoon. I found myself at the bottom of a dog (and cat) pile while I was attempting to stretch my legs out. Minnie sat on my chest to ensure I couldn't run away while Georgie stood on my hair and licked my face. There's a 76% chance they planned this...
When I tried to get up, the dog took that chance to sit on my lap like she was telling me what she wanted for Christmas. However, I felt more like Michael Scott as Santa that time that Kevin took his sweet time trying to figure out what he should ask for. 85 pounds of bony dog butt plopped down onto one of my legs was adorable for about 10 seconds before I started to lose feeling in my limb. She's built like a horse, but she desperately wants to be a lapdog. Who am I to deny her that dream?
Eventually, day turned into night, which I know because I watched the entire process from the couch. I was stuck chilling in a progressively darker room because the cat was sitting on me and I couldn't get up to turn on a light. #catownerprobs
I know you've all been there.
Alas, I've been released from the confines of my voluntary cat cuddle prison. I must complete some adult tasks now that I have been freed!
Until next time, never make a sandwich you're not willing to fight for.
Friday 2 February 2018
Adventures In Dog Sitting - Days 4 & 5
Day 4:
Georgie decided she wanted to give driving a shot today. Just hopped right into the front seat of my car like she belonged there. In retrospect, I should have just let her give it a go. I spent most of my day stuck in awful traffic and it would have been nice to have delegated that stress to a chauffeur for once. Instead, I got stuck behind a stalled bus on my way home. When I attempted to avoid it, I promptly got stuck behind a different stalled bus on my detour route. Wouldn't expect anything different, really. #winning
Therefore, the lesson of this story is: if your dog wants to drive, let them.
Day 5:
The pets woke up at 5:15 AM, which means that I woke up at 5:15 AM. Y'all. I am so tired. That's why you're getting two days of material in one shorter-than-average post. They always say size doesn't matter, anyway. It's 9 PM on the Friday of an exhausting week, so I'm going to finish adding the songs from the weird abandoned mix CDs I took from the lost-and-found box at Enterprise to my music library and then Imma go to bed.
Just gotta remove the mouse toy from my PJ pants first. No, that's not a euphemism for that new sex thing all the kids are doing; Teddy just left a toy mouse on top of my pajama pants because he thinks I'm a terrible hunter and wanted to help me out. It's cute and patronizing all at the same time! He actually cuddles me at night now, so you know he's getting desperate. He's probably worried that his last remaining human servant might starve to death and he won't have anyone's leg to shred for chicken scraps. I feel so loved.
Anyway, my good people, it is time for me to cater to the furry nobility before getting some shut eye. There is a full litter box to address and a water bowl that has been empty since Georgie came home this afternoon after doggy daycare and drained the whole thing. Play hard, drink hard..? No, wait...
I'll leave you with something important to ponder. Do you ever think about how many people spend their Friday and Saturday nights vomiting? The volume of collective human barf must increase by a predictable amount on the weekend compared to week days. Someone has got to have crunched the numbers on this... OR, you could be like me and just think about these things instead of going out on a Friday night and participating in the drunken puke fest. There are pros and cons to both options, really...
Georgie decided she wanted to give driving a shot today. Just hopped right into the front seat of my car like she belonged there. In retrospect, I should have just let her give it a go. I spent most of my day stuck in awful traffic and it would have been nice to have delegated that stress to a chauffeur for once. Instead, I got stuck behind a stalled bus on my way home. When I attempted to avoid it, I promptly got stuck behind a different stalled bus on my detour route. Wouldn't expect anything different, really. #winning
Therefore, the lesson of this story is: if your dog wants to drive, let them.
Day 5:
The pets woke up at 5:15 AM, which means that I woke up at 5:15 AM. Y'all. I am so tired. That's why you're getting two days of material in one shorter-than-average post. They always say size doesn't matter, anyway. It's 9 PM on the Friday of an exhausting week, so I'm going to finish adding the songs from the weird abandoned mix CDs I took from the lost-and-found box at Enterprise to my music library and then Imma go to bed.
Just gotta remove the mouse toy from my PJ pants first. No, that's not a euphemism for that new sex thing all the kids are doing; Teddy just left a toy mouse on top of my pajama pants because he thinks I'm a terrible hunter and wanted to help me out. It's cute and patronizing all at the same time! He actually cuddles me at night now, so you know he's getting desperate. He's probably worried that his last remaining human servant might starve to death and he won't have anyone's leg to shred for chicken scraps. I feel so loved.
Anyway, my good people, it is time for me to cater to the furry nobility before getting some shut eye. There is a full litter box to address and a water bowl that has been empty since Georgie came home this afternoon after doggy daycare and drained the whole thing. Play hard, drink hard..? No, wait...
I'll leave you with something important to ponder. Do you ever think about how many people spend their Friday and Saturday nights vomiting? The volume of collective human barf must increase by a predictable amount on the weekend compared to week days. Someone has got to have crunched the numbers on this... OR, you could be like me and just think about these things instead of going out on a Friday night and participating in the drunken puke fest. There are pros and cons to both options, really...
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